What are you looking for?

“You will never find something, if you do not know what you are looking for.”                                                                                               -DelicateStrength

Inspiration for Quote: Whether it be life goals, relationships, or objects we need to know what we are searching for. If we do not know what we are looking for, how will we ever find it? Due to our naivety it could be right in front of us, but we may just be failing to identify it. To be successful in our search we must first determine what we are looking for. Only after the answer has been revealed, may we embark on a quest and emerge victorious.

Emotional Abuse: The Perfect Crime

Emotional abuse is a notorious crime that breaks down a person and changes their life, yet leaves no evidence.  Those who master the art of inflicting mental pain acquire complete power over an individual. When looking at the effects of emotional abuse, it is astonishing how much harm the mind and emotions can cause. There is no need to buy weapons to destroy people, we are born with   “natural guns”  (minds) and “ammunition” (emotions) to take “life”  (spirit to live).

There is no physical evidence of emotional abuse, which is the beauty of the crime. There are only emotional symptoms, but in society who cares about feelings or emotions we want evidence! Shattered self-esteem, a broken heart, and an impaired sense of self value; are not going to win a trial against an evidence driven jury.  If scars are not physically present, you have no case and therefore no punishment. Sadly enough the reality is that a broken heart or emotional abuse can not be seen, only felt. 

It is quite interesting to examine the role emotions play in relationships. Emotions unite individuals, but the connection may be used destructively or productively depending on his or her subconscious agenda. Emotional abuse often occurs when one individual is trying to build emotional intimacy, while the other is using emotions to establish power and control. This is the point in a relationship when one partner becomes an abuser and the other a victim.

During the emotional abuse the victim is constantly experiencing painful feelings associated with emotional abuse; these feelings negatively impact their life and influence their future. The scars from inflicted wounds fade but the feelings, emotions, and memories are forever engraved in the mind.

Even after an emotionally abusive relationship ends the victim has to live with the side effects.  While some individuals  fall into a cycle of emotionally abusive relationships, others realize they need to make a change and are in search of a psychologist or good friend to heal them from the emotional trauma they have endured.

It is essential for friends and family members to support individuals that are recovering from an emotionally abusive relationships. The victim needs help unloading the emotional baggage that he or she has acquired from the abusive relationship. If the victim is not: listened to, understood, and supported they become a walking bag of emotions. When the bag reaches its’ capacity it will either burst into flames or the emotions will overflow and spill across the floor splashing everyone they comes in contact with. Emotions are like powerful waterfalls just looking for a river that will lead them to the ocean.

Before the weight of emotional luggage tips a friend over,  grab a seat and help them unload. Even the simple act of listening can decrease the powerful currents of a waterfall and help the waves peacefully reach their destination. . .

Inspiration: Those unreleased emotions that I see through “tinted windows.”

Lets Peek Through the Windows

William Shakespeare once said that the eyes are the windows to our soul, but do people actually look through these “windows”? I believe that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but they are often neglected during physical conversations. People tend to focus on the verbal relayed messages  rather than the nonverbal emotions that are pouring out of someones eyes. When someone speaks through their eyes the emotions intermingle with the verbal message to create such an intensity that impacts a listener in a more effective way. Have you ever noticed the focus, determination, and confidence in athletes and famous leaders? Whether they are talking or just posing in a picture the emotions in the eyes are so visible and strong that the words do not even matter anymore.

It is not what you say it is how you say it. With this said, it is important for us as listeners to make sure that the message a speaker delivers is confirmed by their eyes. An individuals’ eyes may show negative emotions like: pain, sorrow, lost hope, stress, shattered confidence, lack of will power, but their verbal statements might contradict the eyes. When you inquire if there is an issue bothering the individual,  he or she may reply by saying “I am fine”, but their eyes beg to differ.

The eyes are the windows to the soul and the soul is connected to the heart. Words are connected to the mouth and mind. We can control the words that come out of the mouth with our mind but, we cannot control the messages of our heart, soul, and eyes. It is essential to understand a speakers verbal emotions in a message as well as the nonverbal. Most people are not able to convey their inner feelings easily and may not want to, which is why it is important for us to “peek through the windows”.

While some windows are crystal clear others are tinted. Similarly to tinted windows there are differences of color, shape, and size in eyes. These types of differences act as barriers between a listener and the emotions of an individual. Beautiful alterations in eyes act as defense mechanism to divert a listener from looking through the “windows”. Individuals are so distracted by the physical perplexing beauty of eyes they forget eyes are windows that display powerful emotions. We should not fall victim to physical beauty, always look through the windows of an individuals soul and do not be distracted by  “tinted windows” and emotionless verbal messages.

Inspiration for post: The Hulk and his “tinted windows”

Domestic Violence

Whenever an issue regarding  Domestic Violence is brought up, an image of a male physically abusing a female typically pops up into our mind.  There are two things that are wrong about this stereotypical image: 1) The perpetrators are not always males  2) There are other forms of domestic violence that are equally destructive in comparison to  physical domestic violence.  Emotional, sexual, and economical forms of domestic violence are overlooked upon by society because there are no obvious signs (evidence). 

Society needs to acknowledge that domestic violence affects an individual physically and emotionally.  The symptoms are not always apparent, without looking beyond the physical we may never realize that someone we care about is being a victim of domestic violence. The individual that is experiencing other forms of domestic violence may not realize that he/she is in an emotionally abusive relationship because it is not as widely recognized or discussed.

Other forms of domestic violence are also not taken into to consideration because the interpretation of the definition, vary in individual perceptions.

Awareness of domestic violence is being spread through various outreach programs and a  change is occurring.  “Love the way you Lie”  by Eminem ft. Rihanna is one mainstream video that presents the complexity of domestic violence.    The lyrics, video depiction, and artists decision to highlight such a taboo topic is commendable, hopefully more meaningful videos will surface on the media in order to connect society to reality.

Spread awareness and prevent a loved one from falling prey to domestic violence. For additional  information on the various forms of domestic violence please refer to this short PowerPoint presentation on Domestic Violence.

Your the Best!

Hi fellow Intellectuals! 

I just wanted to thank you guys for all your support and encouragement. I also want to wish my Best Friend a Happy 22nd Birthday! Congratulation, and hope you have an awesome day. Thank You for inspiring the creation of this blog and encouraging my thoughts to have an outlet. You are truly an amazing person and I greatly appreciate your friendship.

“You’re a friend who I can trust to always be loyal and true
and there is no greater friendship than the one I share with you.
Wishing my special friend the best birthday ever.”

Sincerely,

DelicateStrength

Emotional vs Physical Cheating: Which is worse?

Whether it be emotional or physical, cheating occurs when there is something lacking in a relationship or if an individual is not mature enough to handle relationships.  While both forms of cheating are equally devastating to experience; emotional cheating causes deeper feelings of betrayal.

Physical cheating is equal to that of having an  empty relationship based on lust; both will lead to a dead-end. Emotional cheating on the other hand is equal to having a strong intimate emotional relationship; which will lead to love. It takes more time and effort to emotionally cheat  on someone than it does to do so physically. When an individual connects to another, at an emotional and intimate level that is beyond physical desires their relationship becomes stronger than any physical relationship.

If couples connected emotionally and physically there would be no issue of cheating in relationships. At one time or another due to work, time, stress, or other factors a couple might lack emotional or physical intimacy. If the issue is not acknowledged and worked on it will cause problems and distance to develop in the relationship. In order to prevent hurting each other when this type of issue arises it is important to communicate, understand, and come up with a solution together to decrease tensions in the relationship. 

The results of the two types of cheating also differ for the individual that is cheating as well. If he/she cheats physically they will lose both partners eventually. On the other hand if he/she cheats on their partner emotionally they will end up with someone they are more connected with and  better for them since they had the opportunity to compare and contrast the two relationships.

If you cheat on someone physically there is no way back because society believes  that once you give your body to someone you give your heart to them as well, therefore there is no room for forgiveness. Though ideally the body and heart go hand in hand, in reality that is not the case these days. People are falling prey to lust and never reach the point of giving their heart to someone.  Due to being stuck in the lust phase, relationships never reach the stage of love and never get a chance to develop into intimate emotional relationships.

Emotional cheating is often overlooked by many but this type of cheating speaks volumes about where the relationship is heading and should not be taken lightly. When someone connects to another individual at an emotional level they give them their heart. A relationship in which the individual has their partners’ heart and an emotional bond  is always stronger than one who only has his/her body. A body is useless without feelings and you can not have feelings of intimacy without a heart…….

Inspiration for post: My Best Friend

Do I need Counseling?

People go to counseling to speak with a certified good listener, known as a psychologist. You go to them with the assumption that they will listen, analyze, reflect, and give you good advice to solve your problems. Trust is another element in this relationship that is necessary in order for an individual to speak freely and aids the therapy process.

The qualities that you expect in a psychologist is similar to that in which you seek in a good friend. Trust, understanding, and a meaningful connection is generally what we want in our friendships. Due to lack of time, good listeners, and trust in our friendships or relationships we often do not share our inner feelings or maybe we do not have the right type of friends. This is when a psychologist enters the scene: to listen, understand, and help you.

The only difference between a good friend and a psychologist is: a degree that reinforces their capabilities, time, listening skills, and intentions to help. Individuals with caring friends never need a psychologist because their friend IS their personal psychologist and conversations they have IS counseling.  In the long run however, one can not force change or help; it is up to an individual to make a decision. Whether you chose to vent to a psychologist or friend, it is YOU that has to take the first step towards change and  express yourself freely.